In the summer of 2006, I was having a conversation with my soon to be predecessor at Highgate Wood School Pauline Ashbee (one of my heroes!).
She was a couple of months from retiring and I was getting ready to take over. She was very keen to support my preparation and could see how nervous I was.
I did not feel ready, and she knew it. As part of a pep talk, she gave me a bit of advice that I have held onto ever since: “Remember Patrick, you can choose what you think.”
Simple, yet powerful. She could see I was struggling with a growing feeling of imposter syndrome. When I had become headteacher designate in the April of that year, I had been a senior leader for five years and seven months, of which just 15 months had been served as a deputy head. It was scary.
This feeling had persisted during the whole process I went through to get the job. I told the story of my appointment in the first article of this series and how I asked the then chair of governors: “Are you sure?”
It was said in jest, but only partly. I was genuinely surprised because I did not expect to be offered the job and at 34-years-old did not feel ready.
Calm leadership: A nine-part SecEd series
Patrick Cozier’s nine-part SecEd series on calm leadership is publishing all this year:
Part 1: What is calm leadership and why is it important? Published November 30, 2022
Part 2: Leadership of self: Developing a sense of perspective: Published January 17, 2023
Part 3: Imposter Syndrome: How to reduce the impact of this. This article.
Part 4: Everyone is out to get me! Dealing with the paranoia of leadership. Published March 27, 2023
Part 5: Leadership of people: The importance of human empathy and kindness. Published May 10, 2023
Part 6: Leadership is difficult: Embrace the role and value it. Published May 23, 2023
Part 7: The importance of honesty, integrity, and humility. Published June 12, 2023.
Part 8: Optimism during challenging times. Published June 26, 2023.
Part 9: There is no right way to lead, so be the best leadership version of yourself. Published July 3, 2023.
When I took up post in the September, I experienced a series of “firsts” – each one equally strange and surreal.
- I saw my name on the entrance sign outside of the school: “Surely that wasn’t me?”
- I saw my name on the school letterhead: “This must be a mistake!”
- I stepped into my office as headteacher and had a moment to myself: “Okay, what do I do now?”
- I held a staff meeting and talked about my vision for the school: “Does anyone actually see me as the headteacher?”
- I had a difficult meeting with my senior leadership team: “I am out of my depth – I can’t do this!”
The beginning of headship was tough. However. it wasn’t the first time in my career I had felt this. Back in 1997, when I had been a teacher for less than three years, I applied for and was offered the job of head of year.
But feeling I wasn’t ready; I declined the offer even though I wanted to be a head of year, and this was a great job at the school I had attended as a child. I felt I wasn’t ready and that I would fail. I panicked.
However, after some persuasion from the deputy head (and assurances that they knew I wasn’t the finished article but believed in my potential), I took the role – and I never looked back.
Why is imposter syndrome so powerful?
The dictionary describes imposter syndrome as “the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills”.
Maya Angelou, the American memoirist, poet, and civil rights activist, famously said: “I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘uh, oh, they’re going to find out now – I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out’.”
My initial experience of imposter syndrome came from what I perceived to be a lack of experience, but 16 years on the feeling has never really left me. I am not sure it ever will completely.
I have always felt as though “I am about to be found out”. In my view, imposter syndrome is actually very little to do with our experience and much more to do with the internal conversation we have with ourselves.
This conversation reappears every time we are about to move out of our comfort zone – the voice of doom that tells us we can’t achieve something or that everyone else is better than us.
If we don’t tackle this, the impact on confidence and self-belief can be devastating and our leadership will be anything but calm.
This is why the advice I received from Pauline was so meaningful and valuable. She was essentially telling me to gain control of my inner conversation.
How can we ‘overcome’ imposter syndrome?
I am not sure there is a simple or permanent answer. Confidence plays a big role, but it is very difficult to pluck confidence out of thin air and confidence will go up and down naturally over time depending on feelings and circumstances.
However, there are things I have learnt to do over the years that have helped me cope and to remain confident in my ability to do the job I love. I will set out four strategies that I find helpful.
1, Turning negative thoughts into positive ones
The internal voice we all have is very powerful. For me, if left unfiltered, it is almost exclusively a negative one.
- “You can’t!”
- “It’s too soon!”
- “You’re not good enough!”
- “You’re getting it all wrong!”
- “You used to be good at this, but not anymore!”
- “Maybe your strength lies elsewhere.”
- “Everyone can see you don’t know what you’re doing.”
The important thing to note about the internal voice is that it will always find a negative crevice to explore – some insecurity that exists – regardless of the circumstances or your previous experience.
My examples above can be applied to different stages of experience – from the newbie (“It’s too soon”) to the experienced (“You used to be good at this, but not anymore”). That internal voice is adaptable. However, you can get control of it with practice.
The first thing is to recognise and acknowledge that the voice exists, but that this is all it is. Think of it as a devil sitting on your shoulder. It is a separate being that is not you and does not represent you. This is important as it changes the feeling from internal self-doubt to one of a sabotaging external voice. That thought process and imagery helps me a lot.
Create a habit of doing this as quickly as possible. You can’t stop the voice from sounding, but you can recognise it and respond to it quickly.
And then we need to respond. I have found over the years that there are two ways of responding to this voice. Both are effective, depending on the situation.
Turn the noise down: Make the devil smaller until it is insignificant, or you can’t hear it. You can even do this physically. I sometimes put my hand to my head and pretend to physically twist an imaginary dial!
Create the alternative voice: Replace each negative comment with an alternative one. This takes time to master, but the concept is simple. Taking the earlier examples:
| Negative Voice (Turn this down) | Alternative Voice (Shout this out!) | Affirming Rationale (Make sure you believe the alternative voice) |
| You can’t | I can do this – I know I can! | Think about all the things you have achieved in your career that demonstrate you have the desired skillset. |
| It’s too soon | I am ready – my time is now! | Remember that it’s not what you have done and how long you have done it for, it’s how much you have learnt and the potential you possess to do better. Timing is incidental. |
| You are not good enough | I am more than good enough! | Think of some people you know who are doing what you need to do but who you know are not as skilled as you. If they can, then so can you! |
| You’re getting it all wrong | Everyone makes mistakes, but I get more right than I get wrong! | Give yourself a break. Make a list of all the things that you have done right – good decisions, problems solved, good outcome. You will surprise yourself! |
| You used to be good at this, but not anymore | I’m not finished yet! I have much more to give. I keep getting better! | Become a support for other people who are just starting out. You will amaze yourself with how much you know. Their gratitude for your knowledge and experience will reaffirm your confidence in your ability to continue to succeed in the job. |
| Maybe your strength lies elsewhere | I have many strengths – including those that are needed now. I don’t need to look elsewhere! | Think about all the things you have achieved and remind yourself about your capabilities. You have to renew your belief in your capacity to keep learning. We are never the finished article. |
| Everyone can see you don’t know what you are doing | I have no idea what people think – and that is okay. Also, I accept that their judgements (if they exist) are not fully informed (which they rarely are) | You just have to know that this is not true. Yes, your successes and failures are more visible, and it is true that people rush to judge. But judgement without all the facts is meaningless – so you need not take it on board. |
2, The power of cognitive dissonance
We have the ability to interpret the evidence in front of us in a number of ways. It isn’t the case that evidence always leads everyone to the same conclusion. We also have the ability to filter out bits of evidence and magnify others. This is often not a good thing as it implies the existence of cognitive dissonance.
In Black Box Thinking (2015), Matthew Syed describes cognitive dissonance thus:
When faced with complex situations unconscious mental distortion of the facts often comes into play. Nobody likes to be wrong – it’s a threat to our egos. So, to defend our beliefs, our brains often distort information to conform to our beliefs. And the more invested we are, the worse the distortions.
Effectively, we change and bend the meaning of the facts and evidence to fit a pre-existing view. This is typically not a positive thing as it is often about denial and a desire to be “right”. These are not healthy leadership characteristics.
However, I have often used this in a positive way when combatting imposter syndrome. When we are suffering from a crisis of confidence we tend to interpret the evidence in a negative way – often magnifying that which is negative and minimising or overlooking positive evidence showing we are capable and worthy.
What I try to do is to consciously assert my pre-existing belief that I am capable and worthy. I then deliberately and consciously interpret the evidence around me to fit that pre-existing belief – reversing the process of imposter syndrome. This is not easy and takes time to develop, but it does work.
3, Reflection and self-gratitude
Steve Harvey, the African American comedian and best-selling author, has a Gratitude Jar. He describes this as an “empty container that you fill up with the things in your life you are grateful for”.
The idea is simple – store up the things you are grateful for and reflect on them at times of self-doubt. As he says: “It is impossible to be unhappy and grateful at the same time, so let the gratitude and happiness flow.”
Let me adapt this idea: I have an “accomplishment jar”. I don’t physically keep a jar, but each day I make a mental note of my accomplishments – those things I am proud of, and I end my day by reflecting on them.
This is especially important on those difficult days where self-doubt is prominent. Spending a few moments focused on the things that keep my jar at least half-full is a powerful antidote to imposter syndrome.
4, Recognise and accept that everyone else ‘wings it’ too
My last point is one I learnt from an experienced and respected colleague, who told me: “I became increasingly more confident when I realised that everyone else was winging it to some degree.”
I think this is true. None of us has all the answers. No one is such an expert as to have solved all the problems of leadership. There is no blueprint that covers all eventualities.
We are all trying to navigate our way through challenges new and old, in an ever-changing world with a million pieces that keep on moving. You have to believe that leadership is complex, and no-one has this sorted more than you do – even when it looks and feels that way.
Final thoughts
As ever, I will leave you with a couple of challenges until my next article.
First, think of all the negative thoughts you have about your leadership which make you feel like an imposter. Construct your own version of the table above and create a positive alternative to each negative thought with an affirming rationale (the critical part of the exercise). Look at this every day and remind yourself until it becomes second nature.
Second, make a mental (or physical) note each day of the accomplishments you are proud of and spend some time acknowledging and reflecting on them. Making this a routine will boost your confidence.
And finally, remember that you have to be yourself – your true authentic self. There is no one who can do you better than you. You must believe in yourself, be true to who you are and make no apologies. This will allow you to lead calmly.
- Patrick Cozier is an experienced secondary school headteacher of 16 years. He leads Highgate Wood School in Haringey. In addition to his day job, he chairs the Haringey Secondary Heads’ Forum and takes a leading role in the work of the Racial Equity Group (part of the Haringey Education Partnership). He serves as a trustee for the charity Show Racism the Red Card As a member of the black community, he is passionate about seeking equality, justice, and fair outcomes for people of colour. He is currently developing what he refers to as the “Calm Leadership Approach”. Find Patrick on Twitter @CalmLeadership and LinkedIn.