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At the chalkface: Armed and dangerous?

Whole-school issues
I kick in the classroom door like tinder and threaten disruptives with extreme prejudice. It’s rather good fun. Revenge for those times when I was useless. Well, here I am, 100-years-old and in crazed control. The Terminator.

I have seen the future of English schools. It is violence.

Threat and violence. We are going to become police, not teachers.

We’re going to adopt the American Model. Guns worn by police were “rolled out” in US schools from 2015. Betsy De Vos, Trump’s new head of the Department of Education, said recently that they’re necessary “due to the threat posed by grizzly bears”. Honest. Go Betsy. Will they steal the infants’ porridge?

We’re a bit backward on this, but we’re working on it. Recently it was announced that two secondary schools will be trialling teachers wearing “police-style bodycams” in the classroom, because they are so “fed up with low-level background disorder”.

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