Q: I mind a little girl who has very little respect for books and toys. Of course she is only nearly three, but the other children I care for rarely damage things. What can I do to help her be more careful?
A: Learning to care for the world and everything in it is becoming increasingly important for each and every one of us.
Tidying up and taking care of possessions doesn't need to be a chore or to cause frayed tempers. In fact, with this age group, it can be very enjoyable if you engage the child's interest and imagination by teaching her a variety of games and pleasant rituals that show in a motivating and satisfying way how things are done.
You could, for instance, engage her with a song, such as 'Ten Green Bottles'. It's a jolly song with a bouncy beat that children love, and you can change the words to suit your purpose and sing it together as you tidy things away carefully. Like this:
'Five little toys where we like to play,
Five little toys where we like to play.
We pick one up and tidy it away
And then there are four.'
'Four little toys ...' etc
This makes the job fun not just for the children but for you as well. From this child's point of view, you aren't making her do something she doesn't want to do - you're singing with her. Everyone's stress levels are delightfully low and that horrible feeling of rising tension and frustration that usually accompanies tiresome chores is nowhere to be seen.
Hit the shops
Many children like to play shops and this could be a useful game to help this little girl. Work with her to get the shop ready for when the customers arrive and point out that they will only want to buy things that look nice and shiny and well cared-for.
Make a game of how your 'stock' will need to look sparkly and smart. Show how that is done by being very careful and making sure that books and toys are treated with care and respect. Say things like, 'Oh dear, I'm not sure that our customers will like it if the book has a torn cover. We need to make sure that everything in the shop is looking its best. How can we do that?' Questions like this will help the child to see that she is grown up and in control, rather than being nagged and told what to do. Then you can invite the other children to be customers at the shop and buy toys and books to play with.
You will probably find that this child is more motivated if you engage her pride and sense of developing independence. This can be a game, too, if you come up with some relevant questions and make them part of 'quiz time'. Then she won't feel singled out or even notice that you are informing her about the standards that you expect in your setting. The quiz could go like this:
- Who can show me where we keep the biscuits?
- Who can tell me the colour of the carpet?
- Who knows how to look after toys like big girls and boys?
- Can anyone tell me the name of their favourite pudding?
- Who knows how to turn the pages of the book so that they don't get crumpled?
At first she may be learning from her peers as they answer questions about caring for possessions but, eventually, she will be able to give the right answers herself, and you will be in a position to give her positive feedback for knowing just how you like things to be done.
If you keep toys in special containers you could play a game of hide and seek. Hide particular toys around the room and ask the children to find a toy that belongs in a particular place. 'Oliver, here is the brick box. Can you find a yellow brick to put inside it?' Then Oliver can look around for the yellow brick while you give clues like, 'warmer, warmer' when he is close and 'colder, colder' when he is looking in the wrong place. The yellow brick is then brought to you and, together, you put it in the correct container and give a running commentary of how this is done - 'When we put the bricks away we have to put them in one by one and make sure that they are all straight and tidy. Like this.'
The girl can then join in and learn to find and put away toys and books as part of a sociable and enjoyable game that involves everyone and does not single her out for special attention. It will make her feel competent and grown-up without anyone getting cross or irritated.
Another game that children enjoy is 'Follow the Leader'. You play this inside or outside and let them copy what you are doing, such as silly walks or making funny noises. You can modify it into a game to show this particular child how to take care of things in a motivating and pleasurable game of 'Follow the caring leader'. After a little time spent doing silly movements, you can sit down and give each child a book to hold and then lead them in a demonstration of how to turn the pages and take care of the book, before jumping up and taking them round the house like creeping mice or angry giants, or whatever actions they enjoy.
Game plan
You've probably been playing games and singing songs with your children for as long as you can remember and know just how much they enjoy them. One of the reasons they like them so much is that you are there playing with them, which is why they can be adapted so effectively to become successful teaching tools.
All you need to do is bear in mind a few simple pointers and you can teach your children almost anything through the medium of game and song:
1. Keep the games simple and make sure that each child understands how the game is played. Games that are too complicated will confuse them and will have the opposite effect to the one you want to achieve by making everyone feel frustrated and irritable.
2. Don't try to play games when the children are feeling tired or ill and irritable. Games take up energy and need to be played with goodwill and enthusiasm. So choose your moment and stop playing if the game isn't going well.
3. Some behaviours are very anti-social and unacceptable and children need to see this clearly. It is not a good idea to use a game to divert children from biting or hitting, for instance. You need to respond clearly and fairly to behaviours like this. Turning the incident into a game won't help anyone.
4. Make useful 'teaching' games into rituals that are repeated frequently. The repetition helps children to internalise your message and assists them in making pro-social behaviours habitual. Eventually, they will begin tidying up with a joyful song, without you having to remind them, and the connection between happiness and caring for possessions will be embedded in their minds for many years to come.
It is important to this particular child's future that she learns how to take care of her own and other people's belongings. The sooner she learns this lesson, then the better for her and everyone around her. The lesson can be made into a pleasurable and unforgettable experience if you show her what she needs to do joyfully and playfully through games and song.
- If you have a child behaviour query that you would like answered, write to Nursery World, Haymarket Professional Publications, 174 Hammersmith Road, London W6 7JP, or e-mail: annette.rawstrone@haymarket.co.uk. All letters will be treated in the strictest confidence but only published questions will be answered.
FURTHER INFORMATION
- Jenny Mosley Consultancies, tel: 01225 767157, e-mail, ginnys@jennymosley.co.uk or go to www.circle-time.co.uk.