The lockdown will have brought children’s routines to an abrupt halt, both in the home and outside. Children will be missing their friends, nursery staff and their extended family, perhaps grandparents or childminders in particular, who may have dropped them off and picked them up from school or nursery.
Within the home, tensions may have been running high as parents try to build new routines, juggling work with home schooling, or trying to cope with being furloughed or losing their jobs. Children will have picked up on these tensions and worries, and adding to the stress, particularly of older children, will be their exposure to media coverage of the pandemic.
Adults may have a more mature and logical understanding of the pandemic, and be able to tell themselves that ‘This won’t last forever’ or ‘I can take steps to keep myself safe’. However, they will also have had times of feeling frightened and unsure and be wanting reassurance.
These tensions will not end with the lockdown; adults and children will remain anxious, and activities and movements restricted. Added to that is that the fact that we are limited in how much reassurance and problem-solving we can give children with any certainty.
However, we cannot shield children from this or any other crisis, so we need to think about the information they might ask for, the services we can offer them and the conversations that we will have with them.
Each child is different and conversations with them need to be tailored to their personal circumstances and stage of development. I heard one parent referring to the virus as ‘glitter’ in order to explain how it can spread – a really useful and visual analogy that a young child can understand.
Children need age-appropriate information throughout the crisis, and it is important that adults communicate honestly with them so that they can adapt and cope with change.
‘STRANGER DANGER’
Helping children to keep a distance while not being afraid of other people
As children venture out more, a common problem that parents and practitioners may confront is young children’s fear that people within the community may have the virus. While we need children to be wary and keep their distance from strangers and neighbours – and, indeed, other children, perhaps certain family members and pets – we also want them to keep an open mind and not be overwhelmed by ‘stranger danger’.
Here are some suggestions on how to respond:
- Make a visual representation of the distance that needs to be kept from others with masking tape on the floor and remind children why we need to do this
- Model the 2m distance that we need to keep from others, particularly when out in the community with children. And keep children close by you so that they aren’t exposed to seeing adults swerving away from them.
- Let children see you wave and smile at people, to help them understand that the distance is due to the virus, not the person –the person is still friendly.
- A helpful idea I have encountered is to talk to children about ‘physical’, rather than ‘social’, distancing – for example, ‘I’m physically distancing from you, not social distancing. I still want to say “Hello”, just from a safe distance.’ Such an approach reinforces in a positive way the fact that we are still friends and neighbours, but staying away from each other temporarily for everyone’s safety.
- Remind children that they need to keep their distance because of the potential threat they pose to others – not just because others may possibly endanger them. This helps children to see that the threat is not one way, and that we all have to work hard to protect each other.
FULLY AWARE
Helping children to feel safe yet aware of the severity of the situation
An ongoing challenge that all parents and practitioners face is reassuring children that adults are working hard to keep them safe while also making them aware of the severity of the crisis. Here, we would recommend that parents and practitioners:
- put aside their own anxieties when reassuring children about the pandemic and current restrictions
- talk to the children about the brave people who are working to keep everyone safe
- reassure children that everyone is playing their part so that we can all stay safe together
- discuss hand washing and physical distancing as examples of good practice. This empowers children and reminds them that they can play an active part in keeping themselves safe.
- take cues from a child when discussing the crisis situation. Asking them what they know and if there’s anything they’re worried about is a good starting point.
- chat to children about their concerns while they are playing, rather than sitting them down and asking them to talk about their feelings. Some of the most revealing conversations with children happen when doing an activity with them. Being busy with play dough, junk modelling or sticking removes the stress from a situation, leaving children more able to discuss any fears and worries they might have.
NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE
Dealing with the negative and sharing the positive effects of the pandemic
Given how stressful any crisis can be, there is a tendency after it has passed to try to go back to ‘normal’ life as quickly as possible, with people sometimes trying to negate the effects of the crisis by pretending it didn’t happen. However, life after a crisis may never be the same, and that will be true of the current pandemic.
Some children may have had relatives who have died or been severely ill due to the virus, and all will have memories of this difficult time. These need to be spoken about to try to prevent emotional problems in children in the future.
As children slowly return to nursery, practitioners need to be aware that children might express the loss of their past routines or turmoil in their lives through anger, bedwetting, not wishing to be apart from familiar adults, regression to previous comfort patterns. One child I know expressed her sense of loss through anger at losing her special toy just before she went to bed. Such behaviours could continue for some time and may be triggered by any future loss. As well as engaging in age-appropriate conversations with the children, practitioners also need to consider any gender bias – are you more tolerant of anger from a boy or tears from a girl?
The effects of the crisis are likely to persist in many families for some time to come. Parents might lose their jobs; both parents in family might need to work, instead of just one of them; they might not be able to afford as much daycare. Goods and services might remain limited in the short term; some form of restrictions may persist or be reinstated. Throughout, children need to be involved in honest conversations about the current situation and about how the future will look.
Amidst the ongoing challenges, practitioners should also look for the positive effects of the crisis and share these with children. For example, a family might feel closer and have stronger links with their extended family, friends and neighbours. Local caring groups which have sprung up the crisis may be showing children that adults can reach out to strangers for no reward other than to help and feel useful. Adults and children may be talking more openly about their feelings and what is difficult for them. Through such examples, children can gain a more balanced view of their life and the people within it.
Deborah Price is a retired lecturer in early years and children’s literature. She has also co-authored the following titles, all published with Routledge: Gender Diversity and Inclusion in Early Years Education (2016) with Kath Tayler; LGBT Diversity and Inclusion in Early Years Education (2015) with Kath Taylor; The Assertive Practitioner (2015) with Cathy Ota; Leading and Supporting Early Years Teams (2014) with Cathy Ota. And with Jessica Kingsley Publishers as a solo author A Practical Guide to Gender Diversity and Sexuality in Early Years (2018)
Supporting Young Children Experiencing Loss and Grief
Publishing later this year, Supporting Young Children Experiencing Loss and Grief provides early years practitioners and Key Stage One teachers with practical advice to support children experiencing feelings related to change and loss. Using key case studies and interviews with children and adults, it uncovers best practice techniques to help children talk about their feelings. Covering more than bereavement, this book considers the loss children feel when they move home, undergo a change in routine, experience their parents or carers separation, move settings or lose contact with a close friend, nursery practitioner or teacher. Answering the key questions of how to support children who have feelings of loss and grief, this book shows the importance of providing children with the tools they need to talk about their emotions.
Supporting Young Children Experiencing Loss and Grief: A Practice-Based Guide
By Deborah Price and Clair Barnard (Routledge, 9780367422974) www.routledge.com