A four-year-old boy in our nursery enjoys super-hero play and is constantly asking questions about danger and risk, such as: Would I break my leg if I fell out of a tree? Would I die if I fell from the ceiling? How high would a wall have to be for me to end up in hospital if I fell off it? Is this a normal part of development for a child of this age, and how should we respond?
This question in reality has two strands, as superhero play and the child's anxieties may be entwined, so I want to think about superhero play as well as children's fears and adult responses.
Something we may forget is how little control children actually have in their lives. Of course, this is almost inevitable on a multitude of levels because a child does not have the physical strength and capabilities, cognitive skills and emotional wherewithal to manage all the complexities of day-to-day living.
Even as adults we can encounter situations where we feel 'out of our depth' and look to someone else to provide guidance in one way or another, so children need adults to mediate and adapt the environment according to the child's needs. For example, once a child starts crawling and pulling themselves up to stand, adults will move breakable objects from low surfaces, watch out for trailing wires, put guards on plugs and so on. This example indicates adapting the environment in order to allow the baby to crawl and explore, which is what they need, but also reducing obvious harm.
In a nursery the balance is always between encouraging children to play, explore, be curious and learn, and providing fair and consistent boundaries so that children feel fundamentally safe in their environment. However, pre-school children are also going through a balancing act of their own. This is between their wish to have more control and their feeling of fear that can come with trying out new experiences.
Interestingly, superhero dramatic play seems to be particularly noticeable in fourto five-year-olds, which fits the age of the boy in the query. The appealing characteristic of superheroes is their great power. For the child who has to abide by adult rules, whose environment is dictated mainly by adults and who wants to flex their psychological muscles as well as their physical ones, they are able to feel powerful in this fantasy world, where they can overcome the 'baddie' (that is, their particular worry).
Taking on the role of the superhero helps children to overcome their fears, because a superhero might be troubled or even a little afraid of a really dreadful 'baddie', yet they always act brave, face the terrible monster or person and overcome them.
Incidentally, they can also act out being the 'baddie' and learn how to deal with being vanquished without crumbling. As it is 'only pretend', the feelings of being weak may become less despairing, as they are managed through play and therefore can end and the child can recover.
GOOD AND BAD
Children of this age are also struggling with ideas of what types of behaviour adults want from them. Superhero play is one way in which children can not only exercise feelings of control but also 'practise' their ideas of 'good' and 'bad'.
Superheroes, apart from their immense powers, are often battling 'evil'. So being a superhero can serve as a way of working out what are positive and negative behaviours, and the feelings that go with these behaviours.
This suggests that 'trying on' the guise of the superhero where good deeds are done and the 'bad guys' are overcome can help the child sort out their own feelings and struggles.
Many of us have moments when we feel we really would like to hit, push, throw something, kick or slam a door, but we have learned (hopefully!) to overcome these impulses and try to act reasonably. These are very hard lessons and we all can fail from time to time, depending on circumstance, so ways in which a child can be supported in beginning to master these impulses is always helpful.
Of course, the management of feelings begins in infancy. But as children get older they need to be able to slowly 'internalise' this control so that they can stop themselves doing something they have realised is 'wrong.'
Fantasy and role play is a wonderful way of practising feelings of power and control, and of learning what is helpful, 'good' behaviour and what is not. Being a superhero, with all its accompanying characteristics, is certainly one aspect of such play.
Such play also allows children opportunities to think about solutions to problems. Superheroes do not always kill or injure others - in fact, their aim is not to - and so children can work out how to use their 'super powers' in ways that are generous and kind, or to learn to exercise mercy when the 'baddie' is in their control.
All fantasy and role play allows children to negotiate, communicate, take turns and try out different characters. But superhero play gives the extra dimension of being able to do wonderful things. Being fairies or witches can often serve a similar purpose, as fairies can grant wishes and witches can cast spells.
FEAR AND RESPONSE
We are told that this particular little boy enjoys superhero play, and this seems to go alongside his fears and anxieties, as the type of play may be helping him have some control over his fears - although not completely, as his anxious questioning shows.
Fear is a feeling with which we are all familiar and which we never outgrow. The common feature of any fear is the presence - real or imagined - of danger. When we think about fear in these terms, we can see that the feeling of fear itself is an evolutionary 'safeguard' to alert us to what may be threatening in our environment.
Originally, it was thought that our feelings of fear arose out of a 'learned anticipation' of events that could harm us, but now researchers such as Panksepp (1998) have taught us that we have a whole brain and body system that is activated from birth in response to potential threat.
This means that responding to danger is fully 'up and running' from day one of our lives. However, particular types of fear do seem to appear at different ages. For example, newborns will 'startle' to a loud noise or sudden movement. At seven months, most infants show wariness or anxiety when unfamiliar people approach.
Children around two years of age often have fears of the toilet or baths. As children approach pre-school, they do begin to fear injury and hurt to themselves, although sometimes this emerges at a little older, around five and six years.
LEVEL OF ANXIETY
This child appears to be using one method to help address his fears - that is, being a superhero. But he still needs reassurance. In answer to the question, therefore, his fears can be a 'natural' part of growing up and learning about the world. But perhaps the level of his anxiety is not.
He may be overexposed to television programmes where people get hurt, or there may be a family member who has been in hospital after an accident. Fear is also contagious to some extent, and it could be that his parents are very anxious about him hurting himself when he is involved in any physical activity. This means he could be in an emotional 'tangle' of fears that begin to be common at his age, his need to extend his abilities, his need for safety and security, and the influence of adult attitudes and responses.
HOW TO HELP
What can you do to help? Certainly, this child should not be made to feel silly or have his fears minimised, but nor should they be exaggerated. Perhaps asking him more directly about his worries and helping him in physical activities outside of the superhero play may help, as well as supporting his confidence and his sense of competence overall.
The writer does not say whether he does take part in any physical activities, but he may need to be supported in taking some risks at a pace he can tolerate, not only in this area but also in any other situations where he may appear hesitant or fearful. It is important to think about the child 'in the round' in any such situation.
The core of this issue may be in finding out what may lie behind his particular level of anxiety, while acknowledging the existence of these real fears. and helping this child and others who may be having similar anxieties to overcome them.
If you have a behaviour query for Maria Robinson, please e-mail it to: ruth.thomson@haymarket.com, or write to the address on p15
SOURCES AND READING
- Panksepp, J, (1998) Affective Neuroscience. Oxford, Oxford University Press
- Sunderland, M, (2006) The Science of Parenting. London: Dorling Kindersley
- Nadel, J, Muir, D, (eds) (2005) Emotional Development. New York, Oxford University Press
- Fear in young children: www.healthychild.net/articles/sh54fear.html
Maria Robinson is an early years consultant and author of From Birth to One and Child Development from Birth to Eight: A journey through the early years (Open University Press). Her Nursery World series on child development can be bought online at: www.nurseryworld.co.uk/Books