We are struggling with mealtimes in our nursery because we have been told that we should not make children finish their food if they don't want to. This is causing huge problems. Parents want to know that their child has eaten well, and when some children are allowed to leave the table, others who may otherwise eat more want to follow them. When pudding is served, the children then want to come back. If we make children stay at the table, they are restless. Help!
Food is, and probably always has been, something more than a necessity that keeps us alive, and it is a hot topic at the moment in view of concerns about the rising numbers of overweight and obese children. A good starting point before dealing with the practicalities of mealtimes is to look at some of the complex mix of emotions, attitudes and values that surround them.
For many parents, food represents love and care - hence why some parents chase their children around with a spoon, pleading for them to have another mouthful. This may seem silly, but for many parents to feed a child is to love a child. As with many of the complexities of mealtimes, I suspect that a lot is rooted in history, and maybe even evolution.
In the days before antibiotics or vaccinations, thin and underweight babies were more vulnerable and less likely to survive their first year. It would be reassuring in those times for parents to know that their child was a hearty eater.
We also have to remember that in this country, it has only been in the last couple of generations that food has been plentiful for most families. The legacy of many mouths to feed early last century, and later war-time rationing, has affected generations of parenting. While some of us were brought up hearing 'You can sit there until you've eaten it', others were told about 'poor starving children in other countries' or a variation on this.
In view of the emotions around food and its historical legacy, it is thus not very difficult to track down where some of the ideas such as 'another spoonful for me' come from. The trouble is that while these tactics may have had their place when food was scarce, today food is relatively cheap and we are less active, so such tactics need to be revisited. Let's look at what we now need to be doing instead.
FOOD AND EMOTION
Many parents and nursery staff can find that mealtimes become stressful events because of the link between food, care and love. Encouraging children to serve themselves can solve some of these problems. There is also an idea that children are more likely to try out new tastes when there is plenty of choice and colour.
The advice is to stay calm, and while we should encourage children to try new foods or eat a little more if we genuinely think that it is needed, we must not insist. If the child is no longer interested, take it away as if it really does not matter either way. For some people, this will take quite a bit of practice! But there are huge advantages, as it can prevent major battles at the table and prevent children from learning to gain attention by refusing food.
FOOD AND REWARD
One of the ways that we can help children develop good attitudes towards food is to avoid situations where food is seen as a reward. This is one of the reasons why it is not recommended to make puddings the reward for eating up the main meal - it is effectively saying to the child, 'The main meal is horrible, but if you can put up with it, you can have a treat.' For this reason, good menu planning is essential.
Your food planning should make sure that every part of the meal is contributing to the child's overall nutrient intake. Your thinking should be that by offering a child a pudding, you give them an opportunity to gain nutrients. Fruit will give a child vitamins and fibre, while a yoghurt will provide an importance source of calcium and protein. For this approach to work, puddings should not be overly sweet, just different to the main course. So, in theory, you could offer a child cheese and biscuits for a change.
Sometimes problems arise because children are being expected to eat too much and this can lead to over-feeding. It is, therefore, worth checking from a source such as the Caroline Walker Trust (www.cwt.org.uk) just how much children need.
FOOD AND GUILT
There has been some concern that talking too much about 'good' and 'bad' foods can set up a pleasure-guilt feeling in children. It is also known that being in the company of adults who are often dieting and talking about what they can and cannot eat may make children overly aware of issues around food.
The young children we are working with need to be offered healthy food that they can just get on with and enjoy. After all, childhood should be a carefree time!
FOOD AND BEING GOOD
Some children learn that they can please adults and attract attention by finishing their plates or by asking for more. Some children also associate 'being good' with eating things up and fear that failing to eat everything is 'naughty'. These are the unintended consequences of such comments as, 'Show me your empty plate' or 'Another one for me'. So, gentle acknowledgement and praise in moderation for trying out new foods is fine; any insistence or over-the-top applause is probably unwise.
FOR EASIER MEAL TIMES:
- Involve children as much as possible in food preparation, meal planning and setting the table.
- Where food has to be 'plated up', only put out small portions.
- Do not call children to the table until it is ready for their meal.
- Divide children into small family-sized groups. Sit with them and if possible, eat the same as them. Model good table manners and make some gentle reminders!
- Do not rush children - if necessary, have a 'slow-food table'.
- Chat to children or tell them a story if they are waiting for others on their table to finish.
- Look for ways of making meal times different and fun - provide table cloths, place mats or even a lit candle.