The previous articles in this series looked at supporting young children whose behaviour is distressing from the perspectives of management (8 July), practitioners (12 August) and parents (30 September). This last piece focuses on what children tell us and why it is important to listen.
Communicating through behaviour
The trouble when a child's feelings and actions are out of control is just that - the lack of control. Regardless of whether the child has a recognised need or medical diagnosis, whether the family is supported and supportive, the setting committed to inclusion and the staff a co-operative team, everyone can feel confused and challenged by lack of control, they can become tired of it, frustrated by it, sometimes even scared.
It can be immensely difficult to remember that, while everybody around the child might be feeling at a loss for how to move forwards, it is the person at the centre - the child - who is likely to be more confused and challenged, tired, frustrated and scared than anyone else.
The only way to keep that view during stressful moments is to have a solid conviction about what a child's upsetting actions are for, and to see them as beneficial rather than destructive. Linda Whitehead from Parents for Inclusion explains, 'Behaviour is merely a way of communicating. We totally underestimate the power of an experience if we see behaviour as a problem. In some ways it's much healthier if a child is reacting to experiences with their behaviour, rather than internalising them. In that context, we should actually welcome it.'
Quality inclusive settings like those featured in this series are guided by a child's behaviour when devising helpful provision. When practitioners go beyond problem-solving and find a way to welcome even those actions that are upsetting, they are doing more than responding to and planning for a child - they are consulting him. They are, as Ruth Marchant, co-director of the child-advocacy organisation Triangle, says, 'seeing children's behaviour as the basis for their listening, rather than as a problem to be solved'.
Alison Clark (2005: 491), who has done much to promote the active consultation of young children, defines listening as:
- an active process of communication involving hearing, interpreting and constructing meanings
- not limited to the spoken word, but including senses and emotions
- a necessary stage in participation in daily routines and wider decision-making.
What this means is that practitioners' caring, co-constructive relationships with children and their skilful observations - the very meat and bones of good early years practice - are the basis for consultation, and this is just as true for young children who cannot control their actions as it is for those who can.
Listening to all communication
The idea of welcoming a child's actions as a gift for helping both that child and others is illustrated in an example of excellent practice in response to an everyday situation in which practitioners might expect to find a child's behaviour confusing, and so are used to interpreting it as beneficial rather than destructive.
Jenny is a childminder who has connections with Triangle. Working in partnership with another childminder, the setting can have up to six children in the EYFS at any one time. She explains how they are working to integrate a very boisterous new arrival to their settled context by listening and responding to the views of all the children (names have been changed).
'Leon is a gung-ho 13-month-old who arrived with us three months ago. We need to mediate between him and the other children so that he can be accommodated more easily.
'He's big, and although he's not walking yet, he crawls very fast. He likes to take things apart, throw things and empty containers. He bats the other children and clambers over them. He tries to climb up them to get into a standing position which can all be quite irritating and even frightening.
'It's a mixture of enabling Leon to do what he needs to do and letting the other children do what they want. So, if the others want to build a track with the train set, we occupy Leon elsewhere because he likes to take that kind of thing apart - although there can be rich learning for all the children if Leon is around, because the older ones have to find ways of building barriers so he can't destroy their work. A couple have started to build secret dens so he can't see them. That's great fun for everyone.
'A Pixar video, "Tiny Toy Stories", has been useful. The last story is about a baby who eats everything, throws things, dribbles in long strings and gets distressed about falling over. A brave tin toy comforts the baby by distracting him. Watching the video and talking about how the tin toy and the baby behave helps the older children think objectively about Leon's feelings, and about how kind and brave it was of the tin toy to risk life and limb to help the baby in the film.
'Looking at it from Leon's perspective, we constantly say to the other children that things they might not like are often things that he simply must do. He needs to explore and even to experience that other children can be upset by some things that he does.
'We also constantly show that we love him, even when his behaviour is exasperating, and explain that it's part of what he needs to do to understand the world. By understanding how he learns and what he needs, they can be his affectionate "teachers" and share in his pleasure at each discovery and accomplishment.
'We talk about speaking his language. The other children will make his sounds and then we'll wonder what he meant by them. Was he saying he didn't like that? And sometimes the children get on their knees and try to be like him. It's part of our determination to be an egalitarian community, and to ensure that Leon is a valued member.'
Jenny and her colleague aim to create a democratic environment in which all the children are listened to. But the principles they are using to deal with a very ordinary experience - the impact of a baby exploring his world - are precisely the principles that can help practitioners interpret a young child's distressing behaviour as necessary, important and even helpful.
While some of Jenny's response to Leon's arrival is specific to that situation, understanding that a child's actions tell you something about their needs applies to all kinds of behaviour - a baby destroying another child's train set, a toddler who spends hours lining up his toy animals or a four-year-old who persistently hits his head against the wall.
And enabling there to be love for all children is a vital key to respecting them, listening to them and responding to their needs.
HELP IS OUT THERE
This brief article is about changing minds, about deciding to welcome children's behaviour and using it as a way of consulting and including them. It is a vital principle. But who can survive on principles alone?
Thankfully, there is some excellent guidance available on responding to young children's feelings and on inclusive approaches to consultation with young children. Triangle (tel: 01273 305888, www.triangle.org.uk) offers expert opinion on services and assessment of children's needs, assistance in communication with children, consultation with children, play and art therapy, advocacy and intensive support for children who have extreme needs.
Helpful publications:
- Dickins, M, Emerson, S & Gordon-Smith, P (2004) Starting with choice: inclusive strategies for consulting with children, London: Save the Children - a booklet that provides the principles for consulting all young children and describes practical methods for doing so
- Drifte, C (2008) Encouraging positive behaviour in the early years, 2nd edition, London: Sage - chapter 2 includes a useful section on involving children in the planning process
- McTavish, A (2007) Feelings and behaviour: a creative approach, London: British Association for Early Childhood Education - another practical booklet for helping children with more common difficulties
Guidance on listening to and responding to young children
- Cousins, J (2003) Listening to four-year-olds: how they can help us plan their education and care, London: National Children's Bureau
- Lancaster, YP & Kirby, P (2010) Listening to young children: the reader, 2nd edition, Buckingham: Open University Press.
- Miller, J (2009) Never too young: how young children can take responsibility and make decisions, London: Save the Children
REFERENCE
- Clark, A (2005) 'Listening to and involving young children: a review of research and practice', Early Child Development and Care 175 (6), 489-505
Pat Gordon-Smith is a writer and advocate for children's rights