Whenever there is a discussion about children's emotional wellbeing, the desire that all children should have a 'secure attachment' with their parents and key people is usually stated. This desire is well-meant; it is also misguided.

It is wrong in principle for early years practitioners to start defining the types of relationships that parents should have with their children. If we say we want one style of attachment relationship, then we overstep the line between being professionally responsible and intruding into private family life. And trying to categorise children's attachment, without a training in psychotherapy and attachment theory, would get us out of our depth.

The desire for every child to have a 'secure attachment' does not make sense. Attachment theorists have consistently found that infants can be grouped into a number of different categories of attachment. Wanting all children to have a secure attachment is rather like wanting all adults to be six feet tall - we can wish it all we like, but it is not going to happen. It is inevitable that some infants will not have a secure attachment; and those categorised as having avoidant and resistant types of attachment are no more likely to have emotional or behavioural problems later in their childhood.

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