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Q Recently in our centre the mother of an 18-month-old gave the child's keyworker a written summary of exactly how she wants her daughter's tantrums to be handled. This toddler can get very worked up about apparently little things, but we feel her outbursts are fairly normal for her age. However, the mother is anxious that, if we do not deal firmly with her daughter, then she will become 'bad tempered' and out of control. The mother wants us to speak strongly to the child. She has even given us exact phrases that she uses at home. She also wants us to use a holding technique on her daughter, lasting for several minutes. The situation has divided the team - the keyworker feels obliged at least to try what the mother wants. A It sounds as if this parent is asking for an overly tough regime for a young child. Partnership does not mean that you follow requests from parents that could go against developmentally appropriate practice with toddlers.

A It sounds as if this parent is asking for an overly tough regime for a young child. Partnership does not mean that you follow requests from parents that could go against developmentally appropriate practice with toddlers.

I am sure you will be speaking firmly, yet kindly, to this girl and helping her to learn boundaries for behaviour. But very fierce talking is likely either to distress her, or to increase the level of confrontation. It is valuable when there is consistency between home and nursery, but you do not need to use exactly the same words.

Sometimes it helps to hold a toddler who is losing emotional control. But wise adults need to sense the point at which continuing to hold is counter-productive. Does the child experience holding more as a power battle for control than a means to feel safe?

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