Q We had a difficult situation before the summer break. A four-year-old girl started to hit out at other children for what looked like no reason at all.
Inevitably some parents told their children to 'hit her back' and said to us, 'You can't expect four-year-olds to do nothing!' We feel we have perhaps been more focused on saying to children, 'We have no hitting in our pre-school,' than on giving them ideas about what it is all right to do when they get hit.
A All credit to you for spotting this gap. Early years practitioners sometimes overlook the fact that children need positive strategies for responding to aggression. Without some ideas of what to do or say, children may feel that unacceptable behaviour from their peers is resolved by their tolerance of being hurt.
There are strategies to share with children that enable them, and their parents, to feel that they are doing something. You can reassure children that they can come and tell an adult, but young children also benefit from learning that they can take charge of a situation as well.
Let children know that it is fine to say - loudly perhaps - to a child who has inflicted hurt, 'Don't hit me!' or 'That hurt!' The same principle operates with verbal aggression and can be combined with a fierce and steady stare. You can fairly say that there are some rude words that do not get used, however much your feelings have been hurt. But children can use an assertive response with, 'That is a horrid thing to call me'. Of course adults then have to support the child and not complain with, 'Don't raise your voice'. The use of adult skills is also important to help resolve a tense situation through intervening with a phrase such as 'What happened here?'
Unfortunately, Jennie cannot answer letters personally, but letters for publication should be sent to her at the address on page 3.