Childcarers should see fears from a child's perpective in order to undersand and dispel them, writes John Bolton
Parents shouldn't be surprised when a toddler asks to sleep in their bed because of the monster under his own. Fear is a perfectly normal part of childhood. For young children, fantasy and reality are not distinct, and unlike adults, children cannot reason with their fear. So the task of controlling it falls to the adults around them, including teachers and nursery nurses.
What a child finds frightening can be very subjective. Some fears stem from common concerns like thunder or death; others arise through personal circumstances and experiences. No single method of control will work on every child, for every fear. The problem has solutions, but they can't be addressed without understanding what fear is, and why it occurs.
What is fear?
For children, just as for adults, fear is a feeling of uncertainty or danger. For a child who is struggling to understand the world around them, fear can be caused by anything that stands in the way of that. It results from something intruding on their sense of control. Children live by a fragmented logic that becomes more constant as it's tested and revised. In the meantime, however, the most illogical and unlikely things can sometimes seem plausible.
Why fears occur
A number of children's fears have their origins in real life, although those origins may not be obvious. A child who is being bullied may demonstrate a fear of buses, not because the bus itself scares him, but because of its association with going to school. Strong fear of the dark and of being left alone, and an urgency to sleep with parents, could be an indicator of sexual abuse. Therefore it is vital that once a fear manifests itself, it is dealt with and not dismissed as 'childish'.
Television has often been accused of corrupting and scarring the young. Its positive effects are often obscured by the negative influence it can have. Teletubbies and Tweenies costumes might perturb a toddler because he is just getting used to how people look, and these costumes twist the reality he is just coming to accept. On the other hand, these programmes offer tremendous personal, social and educational benefits. So it is best for adults to be careful not to play along with fantasy in one instance and not in another. A young child will feel confused if you tell him the Tweenies are real but monsters under the bed are imaginary.
Not all fears have such complicated beginnings that are difficult to unravel. Many arise abruptly, momentarily taking away a child's feeling of control and security. Thunder is loud, and only occurs every now and then. A sudden power-cut can plunge a child into unexpected silence and darkness. The witches at the door on Hallowe'en come with no apparent explanation. These fears can only really be tackled when they happen, and you shouldn't be surprised if they return in your child's dreams.
Age perspectives
By considering a child's vantage point we can appreciate how huge and terrifying the world seems to them. A baby is dependent on her developing senses, and will be afraid of surprises. Unexpected faces and sudden movements are among the most common frights. The major anxieties of a child under two years of age are concrete, real-life concerns such as strangers, separation from parents, darkness, falling, doctors or dentists. Toddlers are also afraid of activities that might hold dangers, such as swimming or having a bath.
As the imagination develops, so the fears become more arbitrary. A child three or four years old may become afraid of her bedtime, monsters, ghosts, or people who look different to her immediate family. The five-year-old may also be afraid of getting lost, or have exaggerated fears of injury or death. At all ages children will face anxiety over separation from or loss of a parent. It is important to apprehend these fears quickly. Young children are not equipped to deal with them alone, and a fear that isn't managed could last into adulthood.
How you can help
The important thing is to help the child control the fear, rather than let the fear continue to control the child. The object should be to make the fear seem insignificant without disregarding it, and approach it seriously without blowing it out of proportion.
- For a child who is afraid of something palpable you should deal with it as with a phobia. For example, for a child who is afraid of spiders, introduce small doses of the subject. Begin with pictures, and perhaps encourage the child to talk about spiders. Assure him that they won't hurt him, and that the spiders are probably more afraid of him than he is of them.
- If you share the same fears, deal with them together. If, for example, you have a phobia about spiders, don't run away screaming at the first sight of one! Usually the child will love to help you face it together.
- When a child has woken from a bad dream, their fears should not be trivialised, any more than they should be exaggerated. But after the child has been calmed down, they should be encouraged to continue sleeping alone. If parents invite children into bed with them it can become a habit that's hard for the child to break.
- Offer protection. Many psychologists suggest allowing a child to create a 'good monster' to protect him from any 'bad monsters' he believes are under his bed.
- Encourage the child to stand up for himself. Urge him to order the monster away and help him to feel that he is in control.
- Don't belittle his fears. Say you understand and that you will help. Explain that adults get scared too. Show how you face up to your fears and deal with them.
- Change the focus. Distract the child, and remove him from the frightening situation. You won't convince him that the swimming pool is nothing to fear until you've taken him away from the poolside.
- Remember that at the end of the day, he's just a child. Kissing his forehead to dispel bad thoughts is a tried and tested method, as old and effective as blowing on a minor cut or graze.
Nursery nurses and parents cannot stop a child from ever being afraid, or of fearing the same thing another time. But with a careful and considered approach, you will find that a fear can be eased when it is rationalised, and when you equip children to deal with their fears themselves.
John Bolton is a BA (Hons) graduate in Childhood Studies and will be taking up a Lower Primary PGCE place in September
Further reading
Books dealing specifically with childhood fear are few in number, but most books on child development cover fear, and some excellent reference works are available. I found all the following books available from www.Amazon.co.uk for the prices indicated.
- Joanne Cantor's Mommy, I'm Scared (Harvest Books, ISBN 0156005921, 8.15) deals with television and films and how they contribute to childhood fear.
- Russell Evans' Helping Children to Overcome Fear (Hawthorn Press, ISBN 1903458021, 7.99) offers practical guidelines for keeping children safe and happy.
- Katharina Manassis' Keys to Parenting Your Anxious Child (Barron's Educational Series, ISBN 0812096053, 4.36) covers causes of childhood anxieties.
- Dr. Andrew R Eisen's Practitioner's Guide to Treating Fear and Anxiety in Children and Adolescents (ISBN 1568213859, 40) is a scholarly work.