Within their own families, young children learn about how adults behave and how children are supposed to behave. They assume that what they have experienced at home is the norm, so they will approach your setting with the assumption that everything is much the same.
The family experience of some children will match fairly well with your expectations and values for your setting. In this case the children will learn about the slight differences they find there and how to deal with social relations when there are more people in total than even the largest family. However, for some children there will be a significant gap between what they believe to be normal and how you wish or need young children to behave in order for the nursery day to run reasonably smoothly.
Good communication
In early years settings it is much easier for all concerned if children come with a habit of being able to listen and to express themselves. But their family experience will vary, as will the setting that they join.
* Donna has learned from her family that adults listen to children and are interested in what she has to say. In her turn, Donna has learned to listen to adults. Donna's only slight confusion as she adjusts to her pre-school, is about realising that the adults in the setting have to share themselves between more children than is the case at home.
* On the other hand, Eddie arrives at nursery from a family where 'he who shouts loudest wins'. Eddie is not being deliberately rude when he interrupts other children and adults. He is simply following his family role models and he will do this until he is helped to learn that here adults will listen, even if he speaks at normal volume.
* Perhaps Anya has been encouraged to express her opinions at home and it is acceptable for her to disagree courteously with her parents and to ask, 'Why?' But if some adults in her early years setting interpret her questioning as 'cheeky' rather than 'articulate' or 'assertive', Anya will get caught between different expectations.
Children learn a pattern of language, which words are acceptable and which are not. They also learn a pattern of body language to support their communications. There are broad social and cultural variations in patterns of communication and you have to be cautious about generalisations. There is a great diversity within any group as well as between groups. But some young children will have learned from family and group patterns that using tough words, even swear words, is fine and their body language and gestures may feel confrontational to adults whose social or cultural background is different.
It is important that early years practitioners are sensitive to the results of social learning that children import into your setting. Some adults may have to resist labelling the more forthright children as 'rude' or 'disrespectful'. You may need to be clear about your understanding that Jamie's dad says a particular word - and that is his business in his own home. But here in nursery nobody uses that word, even if they are very cross, because 'we' think it is a rude and unkind word, and there are other words than can be used instead.
But problems can also arise if children have learned a quiet and reserved pattern of communication from their family role models. Perhaps Stefan waits to be asked, rather than speaks up or actively makes choices. He should not be labelled as a 'passive' child or one who 'needs independence skills'. Stefan is acting in the way he has learned, and his parents have stressed to him about being 'well behaved' in nursery. He believes that he is acting in a way that will please you.
How do adults behave?
Children's experience of role models in their family also builds their image of how adults usually behave.
* From Kimberley's experience of her parents and grandparents, she now assumes that adults are interesting and communicative. Kimberley approaches the transition to her childminder with a positive view of adults. She expects that adults will be a useful resource, will help her if she struggles and comfort her if she is distressed.
* On the other hand, Patrick's first few years have shown him that his familiar adults are far more likely to criticise him than encourage.
Patrick's parents make promises that they fail to keep and threats that often do not materialise. Patrick enters his nursery with a wariness about adults and an expectation that adults can sometimes be swayed by persistent nagging. He finds it confusing at first that his key worker is consistent with her boundaries. But soon he feels reassured to know where he stands.
Reassuring routines
Familiar and reasonably predictable routines are part of making reassuring boundaries for young children.
* Some children will join your setting or home, if you are a childminder, with an understanding about routines, perhaps also with an enthusiasm to have an active part to play in the rhythms of the day or session. Young children, who are familiar with the idea of a routine, just need to get to understand your routines and any slight differences between home and here.
* Andy, who has experienced routines at home, may understand the notion of 'tidy up' time. He may also be successful in bringing in his new friend Matt, who sees no point in tidying up the bricks until Andy looks so keen.
But Andy may not understand that children at the nursery are not usually allowed to get play materials out of the cupboard themselves, whereas at home he does so. However, Andy's distress at inadvertently doing the 'wrong thing' leads the nursery team to consider whether the learning environment could be organised more so that children could operate in this independent way.
* Lucia has experienced no predictable pattern to her days and weeks. Any kind of friendly routine - 'we do this and then we do that...' - is an entirely novel idea to her and very puzzling. Lucia is used to eating on the move, whenever she wishes. She needs a lot of help and patience from the pre-school team to enable her to understand and then enjoy the idea of a social snack time with conversation.
Handling emotions
Emotional literacy is the other broad area where children learn from their family role models. They will join you with some already formed ideas about what to do when they feel cross, happy, sad or frustrated.
* Perhaps Ramona is told firmly by her grandmother to, 'Take that cross look off your face', or Tim is jollied out of sadness by his father who says, 'We don't have sad sacks in our family'. Neither of these children is being shown how to deal with either anger or sadness, because their families tell them they should not experience these emotions in the first place.
* On the other hand, Harry may have seen his mother fly off the handle at the smallest irritation and he understandably brings this pattern of behaviour into nursery. He will need help to grasp that being annoyed is fine - everybody gets annoyed sometimes. But in nursery the pattern is that you say something rather than shout it, and calling people rude names is not your first option if they do something you do not like.
Supportive early years practitioners and teams need to recognise that family role models and patterns of behaviour vary considerably, and children need to be gently eased into the realisation that the world outside their front door can operate rather differently. You need to consider and discuss in a professional way how individual children's family experience and expectations fit with how you run the nursery day. Children whose behaviour differs from that expected in the nursery can be helped so long as practitioners see it as a question of learning, rather than simply 'good' or 'bad' behaviour.
Occasionally a real discrepancy between what a child is experiencing at home and at your setting may help you think constructively about your routines and activities and bring about a change in them. But you will also show respect for parents and children if you are clear and consistent about 'what we do here' through your words and actions.
RESOURCES
Boxall, Majorie (2002), Nurture groups in school: principles and practice, Paul Chapman Publishing
Cousins, Jacqui (1999), Listening to four year olds, National Early Years Network
Lindon, Jennie (2002), Child care and early education: good practice to support young children and their families, Thomson Learning