Whether or not to set limits for children's behaviour has been a key issue in advice books for years. In some decades, parents and other carers have been warned off setting clear boundaries, supposedly because they would endanger children's free expression. At other periods, equally strongly worded advice has directed adults to use firm verbal or even physical methods to enforce swift obedience to the rules.
Both of these extremes are best avoided. The psychologically healthy balance for young children is somewhere between 'let them do whatever they want!' and 'they can't be allowed to get away with anything!'
Being realistic
Part of our responsibility as adults is to use our knowledge of child development and our thinking skills to tune into the perspective of young children. We need to be realistic in what we expect children to understand and to be able to do in everyday situations. Then any goals we set for changing behaviour are likely to be realistic, too.
For example, two-year-old Sam will have immense difficulty sitting still for several story books, none of which would have been his personal choice, and now Jackie is prodding him with a sharp elbow. Sam is not being 'disruptive', nor does he have 'attention problems'. Too much is being asked of a child who is only just two years old. Sam's carers need to shift their perspective, rather than struggle with inappropriate goals for his behaviour to ensure obedience to the adult expectation that everybody must sit quietly at story time.
Young children need clear and consistent boundaries, communicated by adults in a kindly way and with simple explanations.
* Adults need to share the ground rules that operate in the nursery or childminder's home - what is allowed as well as what is not allowed.
* Sensitive adults are observant of children's reactions and acknowledge when their ground rules differ from another setting (group or home) that is familiar to the child. For example, it will help three-year-old Donna when her key worker says, 'I understand, Donna, that you help Daddy in the kitchen at home. But here in nursery we don't wander into the kitchen.
Marsha has so many pots cooking, it isn't safe for children to be in there when she's doing our lunch.'
* As the grown-ups we have to be ready to say 'no' when the occasion demands. We also have to be ready to say it at normal volume more than once - how often do fellow adults fail to toe the line at the first asking?
* Setting and holding to limits can be done with a clear focus on the child's behaviour. Supportive adults need to avoid implying that young children's personal worth goes up and down, depending on their behaviour.
You can be appreciative of how Emma has just hung up her coat on the peg, without any implication that she is no longer a 'good little girl' on those days when she drops it on the floor.
Ground rules
Boundaries for behaviour are communicated by adult words and actions. When your messages are simple and consistent, you will notice that the children use key phrases with each other. Three-and-a-half-year-old Liam says to a child new to pre-school, 'You know, we don't sit on the tables. We put our bottom on a chair.' Four-year- old Beth echoes her childminder's words when she praises three-year-old Erin (who is mopping up her spilled juice) with, 'Well done, good wiping!'
Adults need to set a positive tone with any written rules set on the nursery wall. One team was provoked to take a fresh look at their list when a parent commented, 'It's all rather daunting - things like "you must respect the teachers" and "you must walk on the stairs".' The parent agreed with the ideas, but felt the wording was unfriendly. In a team discussion a member of staff said that adult behaviour should be part of the rules. She suggested a change to 'We will show respect for each other', rather than the implication that respect was a one-way process from children to adults.
I have witnessed a number of nurseries and pre-schools who have been creative in using visual information to reinforce ground rules. Some developed a more visual communication after a child with learning disabilities had joined them. But the adults then realised that rules that depend on words alone are not so clear to any of the three- and four-year-olds.
A picture or photo can complement written and spoken words. The children themselves have been actively involved in taking and choosing photographs for the bathroom that show 'Now we wash our hands'. Photos and smiley faces have shown 'This is how we put our books back neatly'. Similar visuals for 'Here is where we park our bikes and trolleys' can be laminated for longer life in the outdoors.
Adults support children in their behaviour when rules are communicated positively as a 'do' rather than 'don't' list. But you still need to offer constructive help for those occasions when strong emotions take over and children are unable to hold to the rules.
Four-year-old Pippa and Maryam know very well the rule that 'We don't hit each other'. However, their argument over the dressing-up clothes gets out of hand and the shoving starts. A supportive adult needs to move swiftly with calm words and body language. The adult may remind them about the rules, but also needs to acknowledge, 'Pippa, I could hear you were cross and Maryam, you look upset. So, what happened?'
Exploring practice
Early years practitioners can be involved in setting goals for behaviour in terms of an individual child or a small group with shared issues. It is helpful to recall the features of a useful and workable goal with the shorthand of SMART. Goals need to be:
* Specific. You will not get far with vague ideas about getting Karen to be 'more considerate'. Reflect on what will it look like if she is more 'considerate', and in what circumstances she finds this hard.
* Meaningful. Goals have to seem worthwhile so children feel involved.
Perhaps you want the children to tidy up the play resources. Observation finds children frustrated when jigsaw pieces go missing or when other children fail to put the blocks back properly. They are motivated to discuss taking care of these resources.
* Achievable. You cannot set yourself a goal that you will 'always be patient and calm'. If you struggle to set a good example to the children, reflect on what shakes your calmness. Plan for what you will do instead when you feel your emotional temperature rising.
* Realistic. There is no point in trying to get toddlers to learn social skills such as sharing in ways that are possible only with four-year-olds.
* Time-bound. Useful goals have a time limit, an agreement about 'by when...?' This aspect links closely with the other features of a useful goal, including being realistic. NW
Student links
Links to NVQ Level 3 Early Years Childcare and Education
* C5 Promote children's social and emotional development - C5.3 Develop children's self reliance and self esteem
* C7 Provide a framework for the management of behaviour - C7.1 Negotiate and set goals and boundaries for behaviour Further resources
* Christina Hardyment, Perfect parents: baby care advice past and present.
1995, Oxford Paperbacks
* Jennie Lindon, 'Firm but fair', in Nursery World, 25 May 2000
* Jennie Lindon, Childcare and early education .2002, Thomson Learning, especially chapters 7 and 17