Letting children make decisions and help with tasks is a good way to keep yourself from making mountains out of molehills when you disagree, says Lena Engel
Generally, most adults, including early years practitioners and parents, think that they know best when it comes to what children should be doing and saying. They have this view because common sense tells them that knowledge and expertise is gained with age and that young children should learn to do as they are told.
In fact, many adults see it as their responsibility to impose their idea of socialisation on children. Therefore, children who deviate from their parents' or teachers' expectations are often considered to be selfish, maladjusted or intentionally difficult. It is very hard for adults to avoid confrontation with even the youngest children who appear not to conform. Anger and stress for both participants is often the result of such clashes.
Stopping clashes
To avoid these flash points, adults should consider the effect their behaviour and manner has on children. They need to reflect on their methods of imposing their will on those who are younger and more vulnerable than themselves.
Close analysis of the communication between adults and children reveals a great deal about the power struggles that go on between them. An understanding of child development should inform the way that practitioners relate to children. Adults should also analyse their own motives for reacting as they do and examine their preconceptions about what is and what is not acceptable behaviour.
Adults can also be overprotective of children. Of course, they do not want children to hurt themselves, but it does children no good to have experiences denied that appeal to them and extend their physical skills (see case studies).
Adults should provide a planned environment that takes into account the potential risks to children and the level of supervision required to minimise any dangers. Rules imposed in the home or nursery setting should be positively phrased and agreed in conjunction with children. For example, you could agree with them, 'We walk inside, but can run in the garden.'
Adults should avoid giving children the impression that because they are adults, they know best. There is nothing more provocative than using this argument to prevent children doing what they want (see case studies).
Positive challenges
Ordinary everyday routines present extremely good challenges for children to learn new skills. The difficulty for early years practitioners and parents is that often they organise the day for children around everything that the adults want to do. Practitioners may focus so much on the delivery of the Foundation Stage curriculum through planned activities and specialist toys, that they lose sight of the fact that the curriculum is supposed to be child-centred.
Practitioners should be facilitators who help children develop skills and knowledge as they participate in play and practise real life skills. The daily routines of cleaning, gardening, shopping, cooking, eating and resting all hold special interest and learning opportunities for children. They do not see them as chores if they can make decisions about how they will do them.
Preparing lunch, setting the table and clearing up may take longer when children are doing the job, but they are much more likely to eat the food if they have provided it. Also they will have learned along the way how to wash, cut and cook food. Working in small groups and supporting children to learn the correct language to describe what they do is the facilitator's role. Conflicts can be avoided because children are purposefully engaged and feel responsible and in control of what they want to do. This method of working is similar to that used in Finnish, Danish and Swedish early years provision. The emphasis is on building children's self-confidence, self-esteem and independence.
Reduce risk
As more and more children attend full daycare provision, there are fewer opportunities for them to learn essential life skills from their family. Early years practitioners should recognise this fact and act as facilitators to support children's all-round development. Many children are in daycare for up to four years before they start school. Therefore it is important to provide an environment that is child-centred and does not imitate the structured timetable of school.
Early years care and education should not be regarded merely as a vehicle for getting children ready for school. On the contrary, it is an essential period for children to learn about themselves and to find out what they can do. Adults can avoid confrontation by understanding this theory and putting it into practice. So you can reduce the risk of disagreement by predicting children's needs and interests.
Respond positively to children by giving them the attention they require. Involve them in daily routines and work pro-actively to support their engagement in play. Plan the day around the needs of children and not around the clock. Use the Foundation Stage curriculum to suit the children, not the adults' needs.