The study at Liverpool John Moores University, funded by the European Social Fund, also found that the request for flexible working lacked any real power because of its voluntary nature.
The researchers said it was viewed as 'a fallback mechanism for employees who felt employers were treating them unfairly'.
Whether women asked for flexible working was also very dependent on the culture in their workplace and the attitude of colleagues and line managers.
The researchers interviewed 67 working mothers in the south-east, north-west and north-east of England. Focus groups were held with mothers with a range of jobs and policy-makers, academics and trade unions.
Research also took place in the Netherlands where part-time working is much more the norm among women in highly-paid jobs.
Dr Kay Standing, who led the research, said, 'The women who were most successful in their work-life balance were using a mixture of good informal care and high-quality registered childcare and had supportive employers.'
She added that women were afraid that employers might think they were not able to cope with the pressures of working and raising a family and that it would reflect badly on them as a mother.
'One woman told me she would rather say her washing machine had broken down or there was some other emergency, rather than admit that there was a problem with arranging childcare,' she said.
The report, Combining Work and Family Life - Removing the barriers to women's progression: Experience from the UK and the Netherlands will be available shortly at www.livjm.ac.uk/soc/ esf/index.htm.