Children's unacceptable behaviour needs an appropriate and consistent response. Jennie Lindon discusses when and how carers can use sanctions to bring about a positive effect
Children learn how to behave. Caring adults support this learning by giving clear messages to children about what behaviour is encouraged and what behaviour is discouraged. Our messages are communicated by what we say and how we ourselves behave, including our body language such as facial expression and gestures.
Of course adults need to consider what they will do when children's behaviour is unacceptable in some way: discourteous, thoughtless, un-kind, disruptive or dangerous. The phrase 'using sanctions' is sometimes used to cover this situation.
- What do we do in response to certain behaviours from children to make it clear that this behaviour is unacceptable?
- And how do we make it more likely that children will behave in acceptable ways in the future?
Both these questions are equally important. If adults impose inappropriate sanctions on children, or in a way that is discourteous, thoughtless, and so on, then children are unlikely to shift their behaviour in a more acceptable direction. It is never simply a question of 'what do we want the children to stop doing?' It has also to be, 'what would we prefer them to do instead?' and 'in what other ways could individual children handle situations that are tough for them?'
The question of 'what is unacceptable behaviour?' applies just as strongly to us as adults. Some sanctions applied by adults might well stop certain kinds of behaviour from children, but at a high emotional cost. We have to consider what children learn from very negative adult tactics like shouting, verbal humiliation, physically manhandling children, angry removals or random withdrawal of privileges. Children may well stop doing whatever has annoyed the adult so much. But they have learned nothing about acceptable ways of behaving and a great deal about the inequality of power between adults and children in this setting or family home.
Positive ways
So what are the positive ways of using sanctions and what might those sanctions be? The key issues in daily practice are as follows:
- The sanctions (whether you call them that or not) link closely to what the child has done, so that the adult reaction is likely to make some sense to young children, that it is a 'fair cop'.
- Children are given a chance to re-direct themselves before there are any sanctions. Perhaps adults give a reminder of a ground rule like 'We touch the computer keys; we don't bang them', or 'We say "Can I use that?"; we don't just take it'.
- Sanctions need to be applied consistently. They do not work if they depend on how tired, irritated or embarrassed an adult feels right now. Nor, of course, do they work well if several adults responsible for the same children are inconsistent between themselves.
- None of us are perfect. But if adults are consistent overall, then young children are forgiving and will accept a genuine adult 'sorry' for an 'off' moment.
- Sanctions need to be part of your behaviour policy and daily practice. They operate with a clear adult understanding about what the boundaries for behaviour are and whether they are realistic for children of this age. The younger the children, the more adults need to show, physically guide and keep spoken comments simple.
- Any sanctions need to be applied at the time of the behaviour rather than delayed, or held over the child as a continual threat.
- Sanctions can work to guide behaviour in a positive way, so long as at other times the messages are equally generous to children about 'well done' for acceptable behaviour.
If children are unable to stop or redirect themselves, then there are a number of broad options:
Removals
You may remove a child from the immediate situation or remove the play materials from the child. This adult action needs to be as calm as possible.
For example, three-year-old Harry is getting very excited at the sand tray and flinging sand up in the air. An adult sees what is happening and moves in close to Harry. She touches his arm to get his attention and says, 'Harry, enough now. You remember the rule, "We keep the sand in the sand tray". Today Harry nods and manages to resist more throwing. Perhaps another day Harry cannot resist temptation and is soon sand-flinging again. The same adult, having kept an eye, says firmly, 'No, Harry. I can see you can't manage with the sand at the moment. It's time to move on. Let's see what else you can do.'
There are undoubtedly some potential drawbacks to removals. Perhaps four-year-old Angie behaves in such a disruptive way in the group, that she has to spend time with the manager of the setting. There is a risk that Angie welcomes the attention, so the removal works as a reward for her disruptive behaviour. Yet, this early years team has to take a broad view. The rest of the children may need a break from Angie and the manager spends valuable time chatting with Angie once she has calmed. In a friendly atmosphere Angie will begin to manage some constructive problem solving, along the lines of 'What's going on?', 'What can we do about it?' and 'What is going to help you deal with...better?'
Calm-down time
Children sometimes need a calm- down time. This sanction works so long as the time is brief, watched over by an adult and completed by help to get back into the day's action. Avoid any sense of a 'naughty chair' since this tactic can distress some children and increases the bravado level of others.
Loss of privileges
It can work to use temporary removal of privileges or curtailing an activity, with a simple, clear explanation of the reason. It might be, 'We're going back to nursery now. I'm not willing to stay in the market when I can't trust you to stay close.'
As far as possible, acknowledge a situation when some children are behaving well, rather than leaving any sense of punishing the many for the sins of the few. You might say, 'Delroy and Sajida, I'm sorry we have to leave the library. I know that you have both been careful with the books.'
Children of three and four years, who feel confident that they are not being harassed, can be willing later to talk around a problem situation. An approach can be, 'Now I'd like us to try a market trip today... What happened last time when we came back early?... Let's chat a bit about why it's so important you stay close to me in a busy place... So what are we going to do to make this trip a success?'
Making reparations
Offering the child a chance to put right what they have done can often be a suitable consequence. Perhaps Sally helps to tidy up the blocks she kicked over or Liam comforts the child he elbowed in irritation. When Harry is about to move away from the sand tray, he can be asked, 'Would you sweep up the spare sand for me?' If Harry agrees, he gets a genuine 'Thank you' and if he resists, 'Another time then. I bet you're a good sweeper.'
Such action really needs to be left as a choice. If children are bullied by adults into saying 'sorry' or tidying up, then they are not learning that they can make things better, but are dragged into a power battle.
Keeping children safe
Children who have gone beyond being able to stop themselves need gentle but firm physical containment. You need to be at their body level and talking in a calm way. It will sometimes be enough to get between two squabbling children and use touch to take responsible adult control.
Any early years team needs to get beyond the belief that sanctions can be a 'quick fix', that there are things to say or do to children that solve 'behaviour problems' quickly. Perhaps there is the concern that 'it takes too much time' or 'we've got all these activities we have to get through'. This outlook desperately misses the whole point. A team needs to ask themselves, 'What happens if we don't give this time? What are the children learning?' Certainly, the early learning goals in the Foundation Stage for personal, social and emotional development need adult time and effort given in exactly this way.