Generations ago, when unmarried mothers were ostracised by society, it was not unusual for children
to grow up believing their grandmother was their mother and their birth mother was a sister.
Today, family breakdown and parental drug addiction are more likely to be the reasons why children live with their grandparents. Although very young teenage mothers may also be emotionally unable to take on the responsibility of parenthood and other parents may be in prison, homeless or have died. Whatever the reason, grandparents bringing up grandchildren often receive little recognition.
In addition to dealing with the day-to-day needs of the child, grandparents often have no legal rights to guardianship of their grandchild. Having assumed responsibility in a crisis situation, they are frequently afraid to raise the issue and risk refusal. Schools and nurseries may collude with this, by treating the grandparent as they would a parent asking permission from them to take the child on school trips and so on.
Yvonne Hancock, a social worker with Staffordshire Social Services, encourages grandparents to apply for a residence order to give them legal rights, but there are often delays in making this decision due to anxiety on the part of the carer. Taking a case to court also costs money legal aid may be available for residence orders, but grandparents often do not fulfil the criteria and so usually have to find the money themselves. Yet grandparents caring for grandchildren save the state a fortune. The most recently published figure shows it costs 50,000 per year to place a child in a children's home, more if there are special needs.
'People are afraid of social services, thinking we will remove the child, but this is not so,' says Yvonne Hancock. 'We do need to do a risk assessment, which includes any risks the parents present, but the first place we aim to put the child is within the family.'
The reasons grandparents bring up grandchildren are varied. Sexual abuse in one family resulted in the grandmother gaining parental responsibility for the child. Another mother left her son with the grandmother while she sought work elsewhere, but never came back to collect him. After some years, the grandmother became quite paranoid. There had never been any social services or court involvement, the child was settled and the school accepted the grandmother had parental responsibility but the mother periodically asked for money and if refused, would threaten to remove the boy.
Bringing up a grandchild is not easy. Professional childcarers need to support and understand the special circumstances that grandparents find themselves in. They may need to soothe the distress of a child caused by separation from their parents and be tolerant as they adjust to their new situation. Finding stories about children living with grandparents and encouraging the child to express their feelings may help them to adapt to their altered circumstances.
NW