'Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!' How does it feel to do everything in duplicate? Nannies who have cared for twins will know exactly what it means. And on 5 July, during Twins, Triplets and More Week, the double act will be duplicated many times, as the 25th anniversary of TAMBA, the Twins and Multiple Birth Association, is celebrated with a giant party in the grounds of Blenheim Palace in Oxfordshire.
Families have different reasons for employing nannies, and having twins or more is certainly one of the better ones. With approximately 10,000 sets of twins born every year - and the incidence is higher in older women, mothers who have had other children, and those with a family history of twins - the chance of becoming a nanny to twins is quite high.
Choosing a nanny is a daunting enough task for any parent, but for those with twins, triplets or more, it's no luxury to be able to call on that extra pair of hands when you need to get out of the house on time. Everyday practicalities turn into a Herculean task - it has been estimated that by the time twins have been potty trained they will have had 12,000 nappy changes. Twins cared for by a nanny may be more likely to receive individual care and more concentrated support than they would in other forms of care outside of their home.
Paying separate fees for the care of each child is beyond many families'
finances, a problem which a single salary for a nanny resolves - although one constant complaint is that because nannies are not registered carers, their employers are ineligible to claim child tax credit, even when a nanny is the only feasible form of care they could use. Another greater disadvantage occurs if the nanny is ill, as finding cover for twins at short notice is particularly difficult.
Helen Goolnik, a London mother of nine-month-old Harry and Kate, used a nursery for three months. But its location proved problematic, and along with the expense and the logistics of getting two babies awake, fed, dressed and out of the house, it was more practical and satisfactory to employ a nanny. Alex Sharpe made it so. 'We saw nine people before deciding on Alex,' says Helen. 'We were looking for someone with that extra special quality, and Alex is great.'
Alex had had five years' experience of nannying, mostly with babies, and always wanted to look after twins. This job fitted in with her plans, and she loves it. She spends two days with the twins and works three other days for a family with one baby.
For full-time nanny Angela Hinks it was a slightly different story. After qualifying with a nursery nursing diploma, Angela worked for 18 months in a day nursery, six months of which she spent in the baby room. Although she had not considered caring for twins before, when a nanny agency suggested she take a job looking after twin babies Benjamin and Miranda and their toddler sister living in Maidenhead, she felt well prepared. 'It wasn't as daunting as I thought it would be,' says Angela. 'I expected them to set each other off crying, but they seem to take it in turns.'
The twins were only a few weeks old when she began working with them, and Angela and their mother learned together how best to care for them.
It is especially important to be well organised with twins, says Angela - to get them into a routine, and to allow more time for everything than you think you are going to need. 'I always leave a good 20 minutes extra before going out, and I expect it to get more difficult as they get older.'
In Kidderminster, Liz Burns works full time sharing the care of two-and-a-half-year-olds Leon and Alek with their father Karl Betschwar, who is temporarily disabled. Karl is involved in the local twins club, and Liz is so impressed by its activities and support given to families that she hopes to work as a volunteer there while she goes on to university to do a teaching degree.
Liz, who has an NVQ3, had looked after twins in a nursery and thought she was prepared for similar experiences in the home. But she found it completely different. She expected them to behave like peers, two individual children of the same age. But she says it was 'quite an eye-opener' to find such a close bond between Leon and Alek, sharing their private jokes and special way of talking to one another. The boys have worked out a clever strategy at mealtimes to suit their preferences. In a Jack Spratt manner, they each eat what they like from their own plates and then swap plates to help the other out.
Alex Sharpe, too, notices a special closeness between twins. Out in their double pushchair, Harry thought it a huge joke to not only pull his own socks off, but to pull Kate's off as well. The babies sometimes have their cots put together so that they can reach through the bars and touch each other.
But their mother Helen stresses, 'They are different little personalities, and we need to foster their uniqueness.' Twins may develop in different areas at different rates, with one sitting up or producing their first tooth before the other, or showing a different readiness for toys. Kate was bigger than Harry at birth, and this showed in her early development. 'But Harry was not far behind, and it balances out,' says Alex. 'The advantages are that they learn from each other - one baby does something and the other follows.'
So what advice would the twins' nannies give to other childcarers? 'Don't think that twins are the same as any two siblings or peers,' says Liz Burns. 'You have to be prepared to compromise. The children will have their frustrations at the same time, and we all have to squish into the same chair if both of them want a cuddle.'
Angela would be encouraging. 'It's not as daunting as you think it might be, caring for twins, but it is not something to do when you first qualify, either,' she says. 'Get some experience first. Having a good relationship with the mother is extra important.'
Alex is also pragmatic in her approach. 'Learn as you go - there is no right or wrong way. You learn from experience,' she says. 'Just take it as you go, just do it, it's great fun!'
USEFUL CONTACTS
TAMBA supports parents throughout pregnancy and the childrearing process by offering information and links with other families and carers. Its big event in this, its 25th anniversary year, is the 'Party at the Palace', when it is expected that hundreds of twins, triplets, and more will descend on Blenheim for a picnic and entertainment hosted by Postman Pat and Jess the cat.
www.tamba.org.uk (tel: 0870 770 3305)
www.twinsclub.co.uk
www.twins-supertwins.co.uk
www.multiplebirths.org.uk (The Multiple Births Association, Queen Charlotte & Chelsea Hospital, tel: 0208 383 3519)