Contrary to the stereotyped view, a two-year-old can be sensitive to others' feelings and concerned about relationships. They enjoy the company of other children, observing, imitating and initiating contact, and they will make friends with children with similar interests, following each other and laughing together.
Their eagerness to please their close adults means that two-year-olds love to help, particularly when it involves them in an everyday task that has meaning for them and also fits in with their particular schema or interest, such as pushing the shopping trolley or laying out sleeping mats.
But a two-year-old has also begun to establish a view of themselves as an autonomous person who is keen to assert their independence of thought and action. This means having their own agenda, practising making decisions, asserting preferences and struggling with choices.
Because two-year-olds understand that they can cause events to happen, do things on their own and get strong reactions from people, practitioners can expect them to 'act powerful' and 'be contrary' (Greenman and Stonehouse 1996). They often assert their newly found independence and autonomy by refusing to co-operate and being defiant.
Collision course
Because two-year-olds are still learning what it means to be 'me', their ability to consider or understand others' needs fluctuates. In addition, they experience their feelings with great intensity, so their self-control and ability to keep others' needs in mind is easily overpowered. These emotions, combined with their immature social skills and limited language, often put them on a collision course with those around them (Manning-Morton and Thorp 2001). Two-year-olds find concepts of sharing and turn-taking hard work. They may appear to understand the idea one moment, but the next moment snatch a toy or push another child out of the way.
Understanding that the connections in the brain that help us to control the expression of our emotions and our behaviour are only just forming at this time (and are not fully mature until early adulthood) may help practitioners to retain their good humour at a time that marks a dramatic change in the adult-child relationship, when they need to teach social rules in a way that helps children to retain a positive self-concept.
TANTRUM ALERT
A two-year-old's sense of self and competence is fragile. Many experiences and learning situations seem complex and perplexing, and the struggle to make themselves understood is often frustrating. If practitioners consider this they will understand, have empathy with and even expect the tantrums that two-year-olds sometimes display.
Many practitioners only see tantrums as a child's means of getting attention or something they want. Even where children have learned such strategies, it is more effective to help them to learn positive methods of self-assertion than to condemn or criticise them.
But whether tantrums are a ploy, or an emotional collapse due to cumulative frustrations, young children are often frightened by their overwhelming emotions and need comfort and reassurance (McKay, cited in Manning-Morton and Thorp 2001, 2003).
Good practice
In your teams, discuss your response to tantrums. How can you:
* express empathy for children's frustration and acknowledge feelings such as anger?
* stay close by and offer physical comfort if the child wants?
* reassure children when the rage is dying down, using calming words and tone and possibly offering engagement in a calming activity?
When a child is upset because they cannot have something they want, do you:
* verbally acknowledge what the child wants and how cross they are because they cannot have it?
* reiterate the situation, explain the reasons for this, and introduce an element of choice within those boundaries?
* Give the child some power in the situation and help restore some of their dignity and composure?
Observe what triggers tantrums or defiance:
* Is there enough space indoors and outdoors for children to play alone or with others as they choose?
* Are the routines of the day flexible?
* Are keyworkers consistently available to their key children, playing with them at their level?
* Do all adults engage in positive interactions with children, focusing their attention on supporting children's social relationships?
* Do play experiences offer sufficient choice and variety?
Plan to support autonomy and independence by providing:
* resources and equipment clearly stored with picture labels for easy identification and selection
* serving dishes and implements that enable children to serve their own food
* water and fruit available throughout the day so children can choose when and what they have for a snack (this also caters for different body or eating rhythms and helps to avoid children having mood swings due to falling blood sugar levels)
* free access to outside areas for prolonged periods of the day
* a range of open-ended play opportunities with unstructured materials
* duplicates of resources and alternative choices.