Between 150,000 and 200,000 sets of parents separate each year, leaving a quarter of British children to cope with the emotional turmoil of a broken home.
Evidence shows that separation or divorce can have a profoundly damaging effect on children if it is not handled properly:
* The likelihood of adverse outcomes for children from separated families is roughly twice that for other children.
* Children are more likely to do less well at school, play truant or run away from home if they are from a separated family.
* Up to half of young offenders come from separated families.
* Young people with a lone parent are twice as likely, and those living with a parent and step-parent are three times as likely, to run away as young people living with two birth parents are.
* Girls from separated families are at increased risk of teenage pregnancy.
'It is better to have two parents living together because that is the way nature intended, and children come geared to expect that in terms of attachment. But an amicable divorce and remaining friends is far better for a child than living with a contentious marriage,' says Robin Balbernie, consultant child psychotherapist at Sure Start Cheltenham.
'It is crucial from a child's point of view to see their mum and dad united. If a child is used as a pawn or access visits are disrupted it can increase the child's insecurity. Insecure children may do less well at school, have less self-esteem, less ability to make friends and less confidence, and this can impact on adult life and influence a choice of unsuitable partner - and repeat the cycle.'
With this in mind the Government has issued a consultation paper, Parental Separation: children's needs and parents' responsibilities, with the aim of improving support for families who are going through a separation (see box).
Both parents
The report stresses that in most cases it is in the best interests of the child to have an ongoing relationship with both parents. It puts forward proposals intended to help resolve disputes so that children's needs are better met and they continue to have contact with both parents. The proposals are aimed at:
* Minimising conflict, preferably without recourse to the courts
* Improving access to services that enable parents to reach agreement
* Improving legal processes for parents who do go to court.
'Already 90 per cent of separating couples come to their own arrangements for their children, but we want to help more parents to do so,' says constitutional affairs secretary Lord Falconer. 'That way the process is less adversarial and faster, and parents are more likely to stick to an agreement they have come to themselves than one imposed by a judge.'
Margaret Pendlebury, a family mediator with National Family Mediation, welcomes the report's emphasis on mediation and parental education. 'Our experience of families going through separation or divorce, particularly where there is conflict, is that it is very easy for parents to temporarily lose sight of their children. Mediation brings the focus back to what children need.
'It brings parents together in a calm, impartial arena where they can be enabled to tackle issues before they get into a conflicted, adversarial legal process that can harden positions and risk using children as ammunition. We hope that by coming to mediation, which generally takes from one to six meetings, it will help parents make flexible decisions. Parents can come back if other difficulties arise, but only a minority do that.'
Children can also be involved in mediation, either indirectly, by parents bringing their views to meetings, or directly, through the child talking to the mediator.
Father figures
Families Need Fathers chair John Baker believes the current law is biased towards mothers. 'There is the implicit assumption that only one parent can continue to be involved, and this parent is invariably the mother,' he says.
'It is not a question of which parent should be put in charge but what is the best blend for the children when they are both competent, loving parents.
'In the majority of cases where both parents are involved and the child has bonded with both, there should be the question of how to continue the bond.
There is a raft of evidence to show that a child benefits from both parents including the child - having more time dedicated to them, benefiting from different skills from both parents and gaining identity from the love of both parents, and not questioning where they come from.'
Research shows that children whose fathers have been actively involved in their lives experience better outcomes, including:
* Higher educational achievement
* More satisfactory relationships in adult life
* Protection from mental health problems
* Less likelihood of being in trouble with the police.
'If the aspirations of the paper are turned into law and the presumption of real involvement of both parents is recognised, then it will be a big step forward for the campaign. But we do wonder whether it will happen,' says Mr Baker.
Access agreed
Some fathers' groups have called for a presumption of equal parenting time, but the Government has rejected this. Lord Falconer says, 'There cannot and will not be an automatic presumption of 50/50 contact. Children cannot be divided like the furniture or the CD collection. It's more complex than that.'
'Parenting plans' are being developed to provide templates to help parents reach agreements. In a typical scenario, the child may live at one parent's home but stay with the other parent alternate weekends plus a mid-week visit, alternate special or festive occasions and for extended periods during the holidays.
'I hope that parents and courts are careful about access for younger children,' warns Robin Balbernie. 'Staying away from home for the night can increase young children's level of insecurity. People should not insist on toddlers and pre-schoolers staying the night because it is often very important for them to sleep in their own bedroom.
'Access should be taken at the child's speed, and then they will be able to build relationships with both parents because their level of security is increased.'
Supporting children
Child psychologist Jennie Lindon emphasises how distressing parental separation is for children. She says it is essential to talk to even very young children, explain what is happening and allow them to be involved in decisions wherever possible.
'What does not work and often distresses children even more is if parents sort out the situation themselves and then the children get handed a fait accompli,' she says. 'Parents need to explain to children what is the best way forward.'
Nurseries often offer consistency for a child, says Ms Lindon, so nursery practitioners should work in partnership with parents to support the child.
'They should be aware of the child and let them talk - offer comfort and show they are appreciated,' she says. 'Be responsive to anything they bring up in role play or issues they raise from books, but follow the child's lead rather than raise it.'
Margaret Pendlebury has encountered a range of worries raised by children, from whether their parents will get back together to questions about where they will live, whether siblings will be spilt up, what will happen to their pets and whether they'll be poor.
'It is essential for the child to be told countless times, "It is not your fault",' says Robin Balbernie. 'Virtually all the children I see think the separation is their fault, or that if they had done something different it would not have happened. It is important to reassure them that the separation is not down to them and they can't influence it. I can't stress that enough.'
Further information
* Parental Separation: children's needs and parents' responsibilities can be downloaded at www.dfes.gov.uk/childrensneeds
* Families Need Fathers, tel 020 7613 5060, www.fnf.org.uk
* National Family Mediation, tel 0117 904 2825, www.nfm.u-net.com
Parental separation proposals
Parental Separation: children's needs and parents'
responsibilitiesproposes:
* Better information and advice for separating parents
* Developing and promoting parenting plans to guide parents
* Targeting legal aid to promote earlier, more consensual resolution and less litigation
* Better processes to investigate harm issues
* Extending in-court conciliation to all cases, before formal court hearings
* Giving judges the power to direct parents to in-court conciliation and mediation
* Piloting 'Collaborative Law'
* Piloting more intensive intervention
* A new role for the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service in active problem-solving
* Supporting strong judicial management of cases with faster hearings
* Monitoring court orders to ensure tthat hey are complied with
* Legislation to give the judiciary stronger enforcement powers.