'Dad, those boys are bullying us,' said my eight-year-old daughter. We were at a park enjoying the sunshine, and she and a friend were searching for treasure. The three boys in question (all under five, none of whom we had met before) had spotted them and had been trying to wind the girls up by sing-saying, 'we can see your treasure, we know what you're doing'.
In truth, my daughter wasn't overly distressed. She was soon away again and the boys were no more trouble. But what stayed with me after the incident, trivial in itself, was my daughter's use of the word 'bullying.' For it seems to me that her choice to use that word, with all its connotations of systematic cruelty, is far from trivial. It goes to the heart of some fundamental issues about our adult responsibility for children's safety.
Children sometimes find it hard to tell how serious their upset is. So the adults around them have to make judgements as to what to do. What makes this difficult job even harder is that sometimes, children cry wolf.
Deciding on the seriousness of the incident, and telling the difference between crying wolf and more genuine grievances, are fundamental to supporting children's emotional and social learning.
We need to take a balanced approach. This means that sometimes we should hold back. If we watch children so closely and jump in so quickly that they never have the chance to see social situations through, we severely limit their ability to learn how to look after themselves as they grow up.
Throughout Anti-Bullying week what has worried me about the tone of the debates, and especially some of the media coverage, is how often we blur the vital distinction between the troublesome and the trivial. When any bad behaviour gets called bullying, we risk creating a climate of fear in which teachers and workers always err on the side of caution and step in too soon, terrified of being blamed if anything bad happens.
We need to build a culture where it is all right to give children the chance to solve their problems and sort out their differences for themselves, even if sometimes they fail and we have to pick up the pieces.
Only then will we be giving them the experiences that will help them to become resilient, socially competent, emotionally literate people.
Tim Gill is a play consultant and former director of the Children's Play Council