There was a (perhaps deliberately) contentious article in The Guardian recently about whether pubs and restaurants should be ‘kid-free zones’. It received over 600 comments, showing it hit a nerve.
It’s quite a recent debate. In my time, children simply didn’t go into pubs – like bookmakers, they represented the murky, dark reaches of the adult world that children had little inclination to be a part of, although this was the 1970s, so children occupied a very different place in society. With the rise of the gastropub and the opportunities that families present to a struggling hospitality sector, there has been a change, moving through the Wacky Warehouse, beer garden and ‘Kids Menu’ model into children becoming part of the business plan.
Many comparisons are made with the Continent and how children are welcome in restaurants and cafés. Some view the UK as parochial and utterly intolerant of anyone under the age of ten unless they demonstrate superhuman angelic qualities. This also extends to supermarkets. Beyond middle-class coffee shops, I haven’t seen the extremes others complain of. It’s good click-bait, but does demonstrate the polarisation in society about the place of children; either Christlike in their purity and grace or devil incarnate, raised by wolves. In my experience, children behave like this when they are bored. There is only so much excitement to be had from three duff crayons and a table mat to colour in.
For me, the question is not whether the children should or should not be there, it’s more if you are taking your children out (anywhere) then you are together. This shouldn’t necessarily mean a carrier bag of resources to ‘keep them busy’, but to treat them as if you were having lunch with any other family member or friend. Conversation, shared attention and being sensitive to when it’s all getting too much and it’s time for a break. On the Continent, children are part of the event, often in quite large family groups; they are not expected to occupy themselves.
In short, it isn’t a case of being seen and not heard, more an opportunity to deepen relationships, teach valuable life skills and learn how to manage yourselves in a complex situation among strangers. If children are going with you, they are ‘with you’. Personally, I would be upset if the people who took me out to lunch ignored me; I might not make a scene by running up and down, but I’m sure I’d want to.