Accept the responsibility of leadership
“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.” Jim Rohn
I love watching clips of my favourite inspirational speakers. They all have one belief in common – leadership is difficult, so get used to it!
The quote above sums it up. To be a calm leader, one must not wrestle with or lament the fact that leadership is difficult. To wish leadership to be easy is unrealistic and unachievable – meaning you will forever be anything but calm.
However, by focusing on your self-development to become better, stronger, more resilient, you will retain control.
More than 16 years ago, at the start of my headship, everything felt ridiculously difficult and often very scary.
I thought that when others talked about leadership being lonely, they meant the nature of your relationships with staff. I quickly realised that the loneliest part of leadership was being the ultimate decision-maker – the buck stops here.
I remember having great discussions with my leadership team about tough decisions, not reaching a consensus, and then realising that the final decision would have to be mine. I remember the dread of driving home thinking: “Everyone has expressed their views and moved on – now it is on me.”
Back then I would wish that someone else could make the decision – just to relieve that burden from time to time. However, as I have developed as a leader and increased in confidence, I have a new perspective: “This is a tough decision, but I am glad that I get to be the one making it. I want to get it right.”
That shift in thinking supported me in feeling much calmer when it came to making tough decisions. Confidence in yourself is key.
Calm leadership: A nine-part SecEd series
Patrick Cozier’s nine-part SecEd series on calm leadership is publishing all this year:
Part 1: What is calm leadership and why is it important? Published November 30, 2022
Part 2: Leadership of self: Developing a sense of perspective: Published January 17, 2023
Part 3: Imposter Syndrome: How to reduce the impact of this. Published February 20, 2023
Part 4: Everyone is out to get me! Dealing with the paranoia of leadership. Published March 27, 2023
Part 5: Leadership of people: The importance of human empathy and kindness. Published May 10, 2023
Part 6: Leadership is difficult: Embrace the role and value it (this article)
Part 7: The importance of honesty, integrity, and humility (due June)
Part 8: Optimism: It maintains us as leaders in the most challenging of times (due June)
Part 9: Don’t attempt to follow: Be the best leadership version of yourself (due July)
Accept that leadership is supposed to be tough
“I have never met anybody who became incredibly successful in any area of their life until they had suffered and sweated and sacrificed and kept their focus and fought through tears and trials and tests.”
TD Jakes
Thank goodness for the tough stuff – it is why we leaders have jobs! The easy stuff should have been dealt with long before it lands on our desks.
At the very heart of leadership is problem-solving. That is what leaders are tasked with doing. The more leadership responsibility and accountability, the more problems you must solve and the more complex they become.
It goes with the territory. It is why leaders get paid more.
Accept that leadership is difficult by design. This shift in mindset is important because it helps you to manage your expectations of leadership and to remain balanced, calm and focused.
Essentially, it makes the tough stuff feel “okay” and helps you to brace yourself more effectively for the challenges that are inevitably around the corner.
Leadership of self is difficult too
Calm leadership requires both internal calm and the ability to convey calm outwardly and across those that you lead. Achieving inner calm is a challenging journey. I have spoken a lot about this in previous articles.
In article two we discussed how to develop and maintain a sense of perspective so you can manage your emotions, keep the small stuff small, and free-up head space for the critical stuff.
In article three we discussed overcoming imposter syndrome and controlling any feelings of inadequacy or lack of confidence, thus avoiding the paralysis of fear and remaining action-orientated and brave in your leadership decisions.
In article four we discussed overcoming those feelings of paranoia that can afflict leaders. Essential if we are to lead ourselves is not allowing the thoughts of others (or your perceptions of their thoughts) to overwhelm us.
But the list of challenges to overcome is much longer. One must also manage the practical aspects of leadership – things such as knowledge and expertise, managing one’s time, being organised and staying on top of key tasks, prioritising one’s physical, mental, and emotional health, and staying true to one’s values (I will come back to this particular challenge in article seven next month).
Leadership of people is difficult
In article five we discussed my belief that leadership is first and foremost about people and that my default assumption is always that people are hard-working, honest, committed and try to do and be their best.
However, this does not change the fact that it is the leadership of people that other brings the toughest challenge of leadership – and despite my optimism in article five, we will encounter a tiny minority of people who are dishonest, do not work hard, or indeed work against you.
This challenge is heightened when these people mix with the majority who work very hard and who act with integrity and honesty.
The need to communicate effectively, to understand others and to be understood is vital – especially given that people communicate and receive communication in such different ways.
You can’t please everyone all of the time. People have different needs, wants and priorities. People are complex. Hence the leadership of people is necessarily so.
Sir Clive Woodward, the former head coach of the English Rugby Union team, once said: “The two most important skills an effective leader possesses are things we can all do – if we choose to. The first is to be really good at listening, and the second is to remain permanently curious, open and willing to learn.”
The best way of overcoming the complexity of the range of people that you lead is to be receptive to the thoughts, ideas, and opinions of others – to genuinely listen (which helps your understanding of people and problems). This should in turn lead to better and more informed decisions.
One of the best examples of this in school leadership is when managing the relationship with the unions and professional associations. This is a critical relationship because trade unions have such an important role to play. This inevitably means that there are times when the priorities of leaders and those of the trade unions differ and come into conflict. Managing this is a significant challenge at times.
Over the years, I have had many experiences of doing this (successfully and unsuccessfully!), and locally I have often supported new headteacher colleagues. As ever, there are many approaches to a situation, and I don’t believe there is a right way or a wrong way.
But using the trade union example, here are six points that help us to handle difficult, perhaps adversarial, leadership situations:
Decide the approach that you want to take: Is a “fight” inevitable or is there the opportunity for a more diplomatic solution? In my experience, conflict is very rarely inevitable, although sometimes this is out of your control as a leader.
Seek to understand what the issues are that are causing the problem: Often there are a range of factors, some of which are the symptoms of a problem rather than a core issue. Try to work through these by getting to the heart of the issue. The question I usually ask of a trade union representative is: “What would solve this problem?” The answer is key and provides clarity as to what you are specifically responding to. It also cuts through some of the peripheral stuff.
Be clear with yourself about what you are prepared to do and what you are not: This is crucial as it sets out your position in relation to any discussion, consultation, negotiation or proposed solution. You would not necessarily share this openly to begin with (negotiation can be a bit of a game), but it is important that you know in your own mind where you stand.
Remain flexible during any discussions (apart from your non-negotiables): Nothing ruled in – nothing ruled out. An openness of approach is more likely to lead to a range of solutions.
Ignore distractions and secondary issues: Often there is a “noise” around the discussions that takes your attention away from keeping the main thing the main thing. Whether this is deliberate or not on any one’s part is irrelevant. The fact is that it happens, and you must be focused enough and disciplined enough to ignore it.
Try to achieve a win-win: The best outcomes are where everyone comes away feeling like something has been achieved. Striking up an understanding and a trust is (for me) much better and conducive to better and positive conversations when the inevitable differences emerge from time to time.
Final thoughts
The difficulty of leadership is inevitable, yet the toughness of leadership is critical to developing your leadership. If we can accept that the difficult stuff is part of our “leadership curriculum” we then create a different mindset that relishes the challenge, with the belief and understanding that it enhances our learning and ultimately makes us better leaders.
The ability to lead effectively in difficult times is based on the ability to make complicated situations as uncomplicated as possible.
A mindset that genuinely accepts that leadership as difficult frees-up head-space. This is the ultimate message of this article.
We can handle the difficulties of leadership by accepting them for what they are, embracing them fully, and being grateful that we get the privilege of being leaders with the responsibility for taking important decisions. We can then provide ourselves with the platform and capacity to tackle the issues that are important and to ultimately lead calmly.
As ever, I will leave you with a couple of challenges:
Embrace the fact that leadership is difficult: There are so many excellent leaders out there. I listen to positive messages about leadership via audible books or YouTube channels every morning on the way to work. Find some of these gurus for yourself to get you into that mindset. Some personal recommendations include Les Brown, Steve Harvey, Gary Vaynerchuk, Eric Thomas, TD Jakes, Jim Rohn, Dan Pena, Steven Bartlett, Matthew Syed and Denzel Washington, but find your own as well. Make a note of key messages that resonate, turn those messages into your personal mantra, and call upon them when you are facing tough times.
Dealing with difficult staff situations: Take the six-point approach suggested above and apply these to any situation of potential staff unrest or difficulty. Adapt them to your style. The main thing is that it gives you a clarity of approach to dealing with staff relational issues.
- Patrick Cozier is an experienced secondary school headteacher of 16 years. He leads Highgate Wood School in Haringey. In addition to his day job, he chairs the Haringey Secondary Heads’ Forum and takes a leading role in the work of the Racial Equity Group (part of the Haringey Education Partnership). He serves as a trustee for the charity Show Racism the Red Card As a member of the black community, he is passionate about seeking equality, justice, and fair outcomes for people of colour. He is currently developing his “Calm Leadership” approach. Find Patrick on Twitter @CalmLeadership and LinkedIn. Read his previous articles for SecEd and find his appearances on the SecEd Podcast, via https://bit.ly/seced-cozier